I’ve been sleeping with my cousin for the past year and now we want to tell our family – She Needs Help

From a female Reader
I guess I should start by specifying that we’re
not first cousins, but I don’t know if we qualify
as second cousins or not. His mother and my
grandfather are brother and sister, in a family
where there are as many aunts, uncles,
cousins, and siblings as trees in a forest.
The two of them are separated by fifteen years,
six siblings, and enough difference in
upbringing that they would often talk about
how they felt more like uncle and niece than
brother and sister. I think that their disparity
in childhood is probably a lot of the reason
why we felt it was okay to do at first, because
it was barely even like they were siblings.
We were so used to the big family reunions
where everyone would get lost in the mix, and
there were always new babies being born and
new marriages and new extensions to the
family tree — it was easy to pretend like we
didn’t know what the situation was.
But we know, and since we first kissed outside
a bar just over a year ago (on a night that
was more about having shots and finding
excuses to get close to each other than it was
about welcoming him to Austin), we have been
a couple. We are very private about our
relationship — no PDA, only a few select
friends know, never any evidence or anything
on Facebook — but it’s a huge part of both of
our lives.
We are lucky to live far enough away from our
family (they are almost all back on the east
coast, we are here in Texas) that we can be
pretty free with who we are. But if we are
being honest with ourselves, we know that we
share the kind of history and family
relationship that would make most people
cringe at the idea of us being together.
No one who knows that we are a couple know
that we are from the same family. And
although I often wish that I could confide in a
close friend, I am simply not ready for the
kinds of questions and judgment that would
follow. They would tell me that it’s wrong,
that it’s gross, that it is unnatural, and that
I’m insane.
And there is a good chance that they’re right,
but the situation is just so hard to understand
unless you’ve lived in it. Although it’s true
that we are blood relatives, we only saw each
other about once or twice a year. As I said
before, the difference in age between his
mother and my grandfather is enough that
they are amongst the least close of all of their
family, and I am much more familiar with a lot
of my other cousins than I am with him.
Even though I knew I could always see him at
a family reunion or a wedding, I never really
got that “close-knit upbringing” feel that you
share with someone who you knew well in
childhood. Hell, I even have friends from
elementary school that I feel more of a kinship
with because we were together for a lot of our
important moments. Nick (a fake name, of
course) was only there for the big stuff.
But I knew I loved him pretty young. We would
always be the two kids at the event who would
go off and play by themselves, and when we
hit our pre-teen/teenage years, the bond that
we had formed playing in the backyard at a
family gathering turned into something much
more profound. I could tell him things, he
listened to me, he knew who I was in a way
that almost no one else did — even though we
saw each other very rarely.
By the time I kissed him that night (I was 23),
it felt like the release of something I had been
waiting for my whole life. I wanted him to be
with me, and only me, because I had always
felt like I had to share him — with my family,
with the girlfriends who would ask if he was
single because they knew I could never be with
him, with my parents who would make us
leave an event early and take me away from
him. For once, I had him all to myself, and I
finally knew that he felt the same way about
me that I did about him.
I could be honest for the first time, even if it
was only with him.That night, we spent about
three hours frantically Googling everything
from local laws, to genetic risks, to “How to
tell your family you’re in love with a relative.”
We were insane, and scared, and completely
lost — but so happy. So in love.
Every day I look back on that night fondly,
going from the computer to the bed trying to
find out if the way we felt was okay, even
though we knew that nothing we were going to
find would change our minds. On some level,
we realized that day that we were going to
need to tell our family members. But at least,
at the time, it was something we could
procrastinate on.
I thought a long time about writing this, in a
lot of ways it felt like the first real step to
telling our family, because I finally have to put
it all in words and acknowledge that it’s true.
We decided, out loud for the first time not too
long ago, that we would accept the
consequences if our family could not have us
around anymore. It’s a terrifying idea, and the
loss of a family as big and amazing as ours
would be a lifelong wound, but it’s something
that is simply necessary.
It is legal for us to get married, and if we
won’t have our parents at our wedding, we’re
going to do it some day. Nothing in the world
makes me happier than the prospect of telling
Nick, in front of anyone who is willing to
watch us, that he is the love of my life.
In many ways it feels unfair that we were
burdened with the same blood, that we could
have been just like any other couple around us
who has the full support of everyone they love.
But if we hadn’t been born who we are, we
may have never met. And even if it costs me
my family, it is a choice I am willing to make.
I need your sincere advice.